Scooter

We got my new scooter today.

 My husband and kids helped me take it out of the box and set it up.  

I rode it around the house and LugNut, our chihuahua mix, rode in the basket.

 I was gonna take it out for a spin around the neighborhood, but I Suddenly discovered that I had used up all my energy for today (as is typical for someone who has chronic illness).

 So my boys carried it back up the stairs, unused.  My husband and I shifted our gears; I went to bed. 

I will try it tomorrow.

 But that was nice. Our family hasn’t had that much fun for a long, long time. 

It felt pretty good. 🌷🌻🌷

 A Severe Mercy

Getting sick has been the best thing-worst thing

in my life;

in my children’s lives,

in my marriage.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

A wise woman once said to me,

It is good for the things that can be shaken

To BE shaken.

–Nancy Lawrence

Another wise woman once said to me after my first husband left me,

This’ll either make ya or break ya

–Mom

Isn’t it just like our Father to take something evil

and use it for good?

Going to the mattresses

I’ve gone on a retreat to my oldest daughter’s house the last few days. I was ready to just leave my hubby.

(Isn’t that the first thing we girls try to change? Like it’s a cure-all. But the thing about deciding to cut and run….you have to take your self with you.)

I’ve got some midlife issues facing me. Hubby is not listening to me about them. It’s just been me and God for about a year.

It’s time.

To go

to the mattresses

for my marriage.

For my life.

It’s war. Some stuff has to change.

Fish or cut bait.

So here’s what God said to me these last few days….

(however that works. But He has no trouble getting his point across, does He?)

….via Facebook messenger, prayer, Bible, Auntie, girlfriends….

Word from Heidi: No decisions right now. Wait for God’s peace. Accept this respite.

Word from 🌹daughter Rose. No confrontation with Dad yet. Life back to normal but I am taking over your care. Respite person hire. Errand person hire. Physical care hire. Twice a week, 4 hrs

Word from Adrian. Hold on to Jesus. He sees you. He will tell you what to do.

Word from Debbie. I love you. Imagine Jesus there with you talking and making decisions

🌻
I’ve been blogging and reading my Bible a lot the last few days too.
Hagar- He is the God Who sees me has been in my head.

Studying Jesus on being alone and making decisions.

Reviewing God’s promises in the Bible. Esp. Jer. 29:11.

  1. Just to let you know, dears.
  2. And for the few girls I would like to mentor.
  3. And for my kids. 🌻
  4. And for all the other Christian choleric\melancholy women married to phlegmatic\sanguine men who this might speak to.
  5. And because I gotta have a voice.

Iron Lungs and Multiple Sclerosis🌻🙏🌻

I had a dream about my grandson just now.  It’s 5:48 am.  My husband is already gone to work.  Bless him.

My grandson was born during the worst of the pandemic.  I didn’t see him or hold him for four months.  I’ve only seen him five times since then.  The prognosis for the future is not much better.

So that’s my row to hoe.  My lemons from life.  My sitch. (Short for situation, Auntie. From the show Kimpossible.)

I keep thinking of iron lungs.  as in polio.

The crumpled (tearstrained, I bet) baby picture of Charles Stanley that was found wedged into the casing of his dad’s iron lung in the polio ward where he lived out his last years.

away from his family

visited only by his tired wife ( between jobs and caring for their small child).

 

The photo of their son was found wedged so as to be seen by the polio patient during his long, silent immobile hours.

un-kissed and un-played with but not un-loved or un-seen.🌻

I believe that the annointing on Charles Stanley’s preaching, living and helping is largely due to the prayers his father prayed for him as he lay there, imprisoned in a big iron cage that was breathing for him.

( I am just one such person Pastor Stanley has helped.  Through his YouTube sermons. Saved my life once from death my own hand. Grateful.)

God was talking to me (However that works?) About my grandson who I’ve only seen a handful of hours in his little life.

Born during the pandemic.

un-kissed and un-played with but not un-loved or un-seen.🌻,
God was offering me a deal.  A promise.

If I will pray over him from my MS bed.

If I will ask Him.

Trust Him with my little guy.

Then He takes that seriously.  He will give my sweet grandbaby’s life

favor and blessings and love and usefulness.

Meaning.

Hope.

Because

Even though I can’t be there, He CAN.  He’s all over it.

He answers the prayers of lonely grandmas

and rejected servants

and beleaguered single parents

And just anyone who asks

Because He’s the God who sees me.

In sickness and health? Real talk.

Ok some of my brothers might want to sit this one out.

#TMI

I’m having to think some hard thoughts.

About potty accidents

My girlfriend, whose Mom died with MS, was talking to me about permanent catheterization. What ever that’s called.

I think I’m gonna have to go there sweet peeps. 🌻

when I have accident after accident.

I worry about falling when I’m trying to clean up the third potty accident that day.

If I try to get out of bed and do anything that’s what happens. ( Like if I’m having a good health day and I want to cook.)

I’m on a search for a good urologist. Transportation to that kind of doctor appointment becomes an issue.

Do I want ONE MORE THING?

Probably not, but yet I might have to. Hmmm.

This is what we signed on for, right?.

” In sickness and health for richer for poorer”, right?

That’s what I’m thinking. 🌻

Too bad euthanasia is immoral. Grin.🌻

I gotta trust God:
He knows about all this stuff.

He’s the one who made potty and sex and and cooking and childbirth so MESSY .
I don’t understand You God. But I do choose to trust in You.

Bright side 🌞

​Morning nap...I never used to get those before MS.

I slept good.

Dreamed I was on Making the Cut with MacGyver and the girl scout matron bad lady from Troop Zero.

I killed it.  Pretty much.

Broke out my high school embroidery stitches:

  • daisy stitch
  • French knot
  • Satin stitch was WAY too O.P.
  • They were all STILL impressed
  •  and I taught a class to everyone in the dream.

 

Except MacGuyver who (unsurprisingly) already knew the stitches.


I mean, right?

Just sayin’

I actually remember doing the stitches in the dream.  My French knots NEVER worked that smoothly in real life.  They were flippin’ PERFECT.  (FRENCH KNOTS ARE HARD!  You have to wind the thread tightly around your needle three times and then back next to the exact same hole you came out of.  Remember?)

It was a good dream. Pretty much.

My ❤ is ffffulllll

I got to see my grandbaby yesterday you guys!

Pictures. Yes

Food. Yes.

Coffee. Yes.

Road trip out of this HOUSE. yes.

received_1202673390087172

My daughter is a beautiful person and a great Mom. (She didn’t get it from me. #brokethemold)

Her hubby is strong and manly and everything we could want for our little girl. 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

I got hours of beautiful blessed blue sky and 🌞. (Out of my bed! Yes)

received_253368945759186

(Came home and had an awful gnarly fight with my strong, tall and ha’some….more later. Just keepin it real. Nofakes)

Then slept like a baby for twelve hours!!!!! That is a big tush deal when we have too many toxins in our bodies. (hug a veteran, former addict, or mentalhealthsurvivor)

I am G R A T E F U L.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

sleeping bags and potato salad

https://bible.com/bible/97/luk.2.1-7.MSG

Family reunion. I mean, right?

The family line of David–all the cousins and aunts and uncles. There for this census. Griping about politics and catching up with the fam.

Homemade challah and potluck tuna salad and board games and skits.

Don’t you think?

Like how a family funeral of someone really old turns into a reunion with stories and laughter.

Unless…

you’re unwed and pregnant under mysterious circumstances. (That used to be a HUGE deal, remember.)

Then you might end up sleeping in the barn and having your first baby with only your poor clueless hubby who doesn’t know much except to boil some water.

I hope Mary had at least attended a few family birthings. My heart goes out to them.

It tenders me to the holy family.

I know about family rejection. Hurts Like. A. Dog. Like. A. Dog.

I want to give her a big gramma hug.

Just sayin.

Now?!?!

Are you kiddin me?

Were in the middle of a global pandemic, and my marriage picks NOW to have a cow?

Think we might need help?

i was thinking, though.

This is the perfect time for my marriage to hit a bump. After we get through this, who wants to start opening a big can of worms?

I mean, I’m already stressed out. Why not add one more thing?

Then when it’s over, then we can part-ay!

I mean, right?

It’s good modelling for our kids too. This is how you cope with curve ball #32, you guys..

We found an online counselor. Regain.com. Private chat room. Weekly video conferences with some of the choices.

HIGHly recommended.

ok. Here we go again. Sheeshe!

Reboot my heart

-Sunshine through leaves…green and gold dapples
-quiet country gravel lanes
-internet sermons on autoplay
-bagged Asian salad with crunchy noodle thingies
-being firm but kind to bill collectors or phone salespeople…they have to feed their families too. Not their fault they have a sucky job.
-brushing my dog
-watching my cat hunting outside. Graceful and quiet and kickbutt