Hezekiah (good king)

vs Manassah (creep)

My closely related offender (raging addicted pedophile)  vs me (following Jesus, healed, becoming healthy)

My children (some are here, some are gone 💔)

People have choices

No matter where they are

Guilt: parenting prodigals

(warning: don’t read this unless you know first hand about suffering and injustice)

 and are

looking 

for 

some

torture 

relief.

#nojudgersorgawkersplease

Seriously

you might wanna take a pass.  

 Just sayin.

 #notforeveryone   

#pickyourbattles

Okay.  Turning to the beleaguered, picked on, abused and lied about souls who are left.

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
(drum roll, please)
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

FORGIVING

MY

PERPETRATORS

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏


 Took myself YEARS to even want to look at this.

  • As a survivor of Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) –which is cult abuse with gross body stuff.
  • As a mom whose child was abused by my own loved, close family member. (Still hurts.)
  • As a sister, daughter, granddaughter, cousin and niece who was booted out from part of the same family for going to the police and speaking the secret about said incest. 
  • As a young bride of 15 months, who was cheated on and abandoned, then kicked out of Bible School for asking a male teacher to pray about said betrayal (I know–they could hardly help kicking me out.  I understand now, but I was young then. 21 going on 12.)
  • As a young wife and mom who was asked to leave my tiny church over letting my kids read Harry Potter. (Remember that craziness over a book?)
  • As a young mom in the throes of addiction and undiagnosed mental illness who abandoned and even hurt her kids over decades (been the hardest to forgive.  Still working on it.)

I have things to forgive.  

  1. That I did.  
  2. That were done to me.  
  3. That I can’t talk about in prayer group without freaking people out.
  4. That some family members still hate me for.
  5. That I am learning not to hate myself for.
  6. I left some stuff off this list, even.  Too gross. SRA stuff.

yeah. I have a few things to forgive.

You know about this, God.  (You were THERE for it all, however that works with You being without sin and all.  But You never leave us or forsake us, right?  I was a Christian for all this stuff, believe it or not.)

I want to wipe the slate clean, Father.

Do not hold these sins against them.  Against me.

Just let it go.

Haven’t we all suffered enough by now?

  1. I forgive my perpetrators.  
  2. The folks who enabled them.  
  3. The people who didn’t want to get involved.
  4. And Myself.

I forgive it.  It’s Yours God.  You make it right.  I’m trusting You.

🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻

I

cry  

mercy

 I plead the sweet-cleansing-sparkly-shining 🌟 blood of Jesus over these sins.

Set us all free.  

🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻

You can do anything, Father.

you’re my hero.  

You are the Man who will fight for my honor

You are the Hero.  Our Champion.

Forgive THEM?? What????

 Severe mental health issues:
My ​son Q has been having these since he turned 16 or so.  

He’s 19 now.

The pandemic has not helped.  I mean, right?

We have tried everything.

#desperateparents

Then I found a book on fasting by Chantel Ray.  I worked up to a looong fast, and I wanted to do a 21day-er with my girlfriends, for my family line and Q.

I promised myself that I would post about it.

Q is much more present in the moment than he used to be.   Do you know what I mean? Very encouraging.   I think it is because of the Holy Spirit’s work in him as we have been fasting and praying. 🌷🌻🌷

 
He has been very amenable to taking his meds.  My family is letting me try megadoses of vitamin d and hemp oil, as an alternative to the kickbuttnastinessdrugs that his psychiatrist wanted us to try.

This morning Dillon asked him about his vitamins because he had been up all night being intense.  Sure enough, he’d forgotten them.

He very cooperatively took them.  I asked him to take me for a walk.  (Sunshine- vitamin D)

That helped.

Hubby made sure to have his phone this morning so I could get hold of him at work if Q went off the rails. Teamwork.

Q is hardly ever in lala land like before.  He is talking about the kind of wife he wants and the kind of job he wants again. Signs of emerging life.

 You can have a regular conversation with him that is about real things some of the time now. Not stuck in his imaginary world all the time.

He went and volunteered at the local food box today.  Baby steps.

He’s kept three appointments in the last few weeks but no trouble no disassociation.  I’m proud of him. Adult functionality.

 

Q put some music on yesterday and was dancing and singing while he did his chores. Whaaaaaaat?

He asked me,  “Mom! Does this mean I’m entering my manic faze?”

( His counselor has been wondering if he might be bipolar.)

Good question.
I said “Well honey, either that or you are getting better. I been prayin. Well just see what God is doing.

🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷

Emmergence🌷


https://bible.com/verse-of-the-day/php.4.8/720

“Dare to take the first step by honoring your husband even before he honors you.

” I keep learning the same biblical principle over and over: God blesses us when we give away the very thing we desire.

 ” I believe you’ll discover that when you give honor to your husband, 

 “you’ll get it back abundantly in ways that may surprise you.”
 –YouVersion devo today

Surviving my marriage 💏