Plans

Allow God’s promise to transcend time and speak to you today.

God’s Word assures that He has a great plan for you.

Trust that the circumstances of today will not harm you but that God will use it all to prepare you for what is ahead.

Enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going

YouVersion devotional

I was talkin to my best friend this morning about God’s plans.

How far-reaching and specifically designed and detailed are Your ways O God!

I have MS. It has been, without doubt, the biggest struggle of my adult life and the longest lasting.

I cannot overstate that.

Growing up, my good friend’s mom had MS. That family was my nearest neighbor to attend a certain small Christian School with me–close enough to car pool.

Naturally enough, my brother and I got to know their family very well.

The only reason that my Working Poor family could afford to send my brother and I to a private school was the fact that my aunt and uncle and grandparents were paying for it every month.

My best friend and I were reflecting that God’s plans had to stretch back to when my grandparents bought that property and decided to deed that land to their son, who became my father.

My brother and I could have lived anywhere: my grandparents owned property all over Western and Southern Oregon!

My school friend’s family also settled near the Santiam River. (Five miles up the road from us, as a matter of fact.)

“Amazingly coincidental”, you say?

Well, the plot thickens.

God further had to persuade my aunt, uncle and grandparents to pay for private Christian schooling, so that we would carpool with this family, so I would know them extremely well, well enough to be told intimate details of Karen’s progressing illness.

It would be absolutely impossible to retell the goodness that has come from this association

When i met her, Karen Darwood was in the middle stages of the same disease that would strike me out of the blue, as a middle-aged mom.

I BLESS the day that Karen and Heidi and their family came into my life.

I feel so loved and planned for and thought about and cared for! Don’t you? ♡

Seventy years ago, when grandpa decided to build a house on a particular Hill near the Santiam River, and 50 years ago when Dad chose that property to settle on with his wife and children, he was planning for me and my autoimmune disease.

What well-thought-out, detailed, intricate, masterfully creative, good and hopeful plans does he have in store for the rest of the planet? All of us have a plan like that…

…and God keeps track of it all.

Selah.

This is God ’s Word on the subject: “As soon as Babylon’s seventy years are up and not a day before, I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Jeremiah 29:10‭-‬11 MSG
https://bible.com/bible/97/jer.29.10-11

…………………

Reboot my heart

I am thankful.

  • I love rainbows in mud puddles
  • squeaky clean windows
  • Christmas tree lights anytime
  • apple chicken pecan salad from Domino’s
  • clean sheets clean pajamas clean self
  • dish soap that makes lots of bubbles
  • quiet mornings full of possibility
  • pink toe socks

Reboot my heart

I am grateful for this day

I feel yucky

I choose to FOCUS on what I KNOW is true.

I love my family

Escalators
Little tree frogs
Homemade popcorn

Chex mix
Pop tarts
Waiting for seeds to come up
Marigolds: orange ones

Fuzzy socks
Lap dogs
Chinese food

Autumn leaves

Thank you God.

I don’t see how a world that makes such wonderful things could be bad

Ariel

Little Mermaid (the Disney version)

We love you back. ♡

Does God give hard spankins?

And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly or lose heart when you are reproved by him, for the Lord disciplines the one he loves and punishes every son he receives. Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline?
Hebrews 12:5‭-‬7 CSB
https://bible.com/bible/1713/heb.12.5-7.CSB

I really respect God.

He is a good parent because He is good at balancing:

  • mercy and judgement
  • love and truth
  • being a meanie/being a push over

Thank you God: because of Jesus I don’t have to be afraid; I can go right into Your throne room and ask for help and receive Mercy to do life.

I am so grateful; I’m not afraid and I love to be with You.

Offenses… Against myself?

For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.
2 Timothy 1:12 KJV
https://bible.com/bible/1/2ti.1.12.KJV

…….

What kind of things would amazing Mr. Perfect Paul have committed to Jesus?

you might be as surprised as I was to learn.

I know from other parts of the Bible, that Paul was responsible for the deaths of many Christians before he became the Apostle Paul.

What about the children and wives of his victims? Think about it: in his past life, Paul took daddies and husbands off to jail and tortured and/or executed them!

That is something to live with afterward for sure.

As a former addict, and mother, I can relate.

As a reformed judgmental-hard-hearted -hypocritical-ChurchLady, I can relate.

Additionally, there might have been offenses against Paul himself as a child in a culture that did not regard women or children very highly. Does that sound right? I might be putting too much of myself in to the scripture, but, as an abuse Survivor, I could relate to that. I don’t know for sure, but it is inevitable that hurt people hurt people right? And abuse runs in families right?

Another thing: wasn’t Paul tortured and imprisoned and finally executed because he was a Christian?

As an SRA Survivor I can relate to that.

Let’s talk turkey. What kind of things is Jesus able to guard for me?

When I forgive my offenders, I give that right of vengeance to Jesus and I expect him to make it work for my good in the end.

When I have offended myself by hurting people that I was supposed care for, whether it be by neglecting them, or judging them…I can give that hurt and disappointment in myself to Jesus.

Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord.
Romans 12:19 CSB
https://bible.com/bible/1713/rom.12.19.CSB

I take that literally and I trust God to make it right. (God help us all.)

Furthermore, in the thing I’m working on at the moment, I am learning to give Jesus my offenses against myself.

Especially as a mother who struggled with addiction all her life… You can imagine there are many things that I did not do that I should have done, and things that I did that were wrong when my kids were growing up. That hurts.

I trust Jesus with those things.

I count his blood as being enough to pay for my sin.

I lay that guilt down and I do not pick it back up.

It is a matter of Faith between me and God

I trust him: He’s going to make it right.

Selah.

Math teacher

Math was ALWAYS hard for me: too left-brained for my piano playing, wonder woman watching, artistic self.

Enter sandy-haired, intense, Mr. Gunther, with his handle bar mustaches and his piercing gaze.

I remember Mr Gunther being short (but then everyone seemed short at almost 6foot.) And when he spoke, I was occasionally surprised that he did not have a thick German accent and carry a baton.

Unable to get more than Bs and Cs on my daily assignments, I scheduled a meeting with Mr. G. (Perfectionist. Im better now.)

Come to find out, luckily, the only thing he counted points for was the weekly quiz on Friday.

So even though I absolutely floundered my way through the daily work, …when it was time to talk turkey and show what I knew, I would turn in a stellar performance.

So I decided to ask him:

“Why do I keep bombing my daily work but acing my tests Mr Gunther? Am I doing ok?”

His answer was another question,

“Maybe you work better under pressure? “

Hmmm.

Math mystery solved. And so I went on dealing with my stressful private life of sexual abuse and pain and squalor and SRA. And flunking my math practice sheets but acing my math tests.And hating math. (Until I was 16, at which time I decided to like it. It’s like puzzles; I enjoy it now.)

One of my favorite stories is about a group of cloistered nuns who suddenly inherit the rural north eastern estate of a mysterious recluse.

” …if she has grown the strength of fifteen men in cloister, would you have her waste it on mending a printing press? “(*A Nun in the Closet” by Dorothy Gilman)

Hmmm.

Mom and Dad did their best; (What mammal doesn’t love their babies?) I don’t wish for other parents.

But I’m not gonna lie: I used to be jealous of my Mennonite-ish friends and their apple cheeked, fresh faced, cousin-rich, related-to-everyone, wholesome country upbringing.

I used to listen to their tractor and barn stories on the bus during choir trips.

Wistfully.

I did not make peace with my lot until I was in my 40s. After lots of counseling.

Now i like my origins. It is part of me.

God picked my parents. GOD picked ME. He wanted to love ME.

I once heard Rick Warren preach that though there are accidental parents, their are no accidental babies.

God picked for me to be born in 1970.

The dna of my short, feisty, codependent, abuse-surviving, cooking and canning mother and my tall, taciturn, ragaholic, abuse-surviving, hard-working, handsome, Swedish-descent dad.

Their love made me and my brother. God picked us to be born because HE loved us and wanted us to exist.

Our chromosomes. Our dna. Our laughs and cowlicks and freckles.

Im a love child:

and so are you.

So I dont wish for other parents anymore. Every mammal loves their babies. (They are both with God now.)

My mom and dad. did their best. It just wasn’t very good.

But what else is there? You can’t do better than your best.

It’s your best.

I used to gaze wistfully and with longing at my classmates’ industrious, super-connected, hair-netted (at least the moms…Mennonite) families.

Now I trust God with it. I am content. I love my parents and brother. I wouldn’t want any others. I am grateful for the good and the bad things in my life. It makes me who I am. God wants me and loves me and planned for me.

I am grateful.

So I guess I do work better under pressure.

And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
Romans 5:5 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/rom.5.5.NLT

Reboot my heart

Aren’t there so many things to love?

Not to be blind or anything: I see the world, and there are bad things in it.

but

There are still so many things to love.

Little depressed this morning so (God helping me) HERE is my list.

  • Blueberry muffins
  • strawberry jam, strawberry shortcake, strawberry Pop-Tarts
  • toasted hazelnuts
  • Nutella any way shape or form
  • hazelnut coffee and my daughter’s Keurig machine (no more burnt coffee because it’s sat there for hours…every cup can be a fresh cup…I sound like a commercial)
  • flannel sheets
  • microfiber couches
  • Good smelling detergent, fabric softener, and stacks of clean, folded clothes
  • pools of Golden Sunshine with happy dogs and cats in them

Thank you World ♡

Selah (pause and think that over)

Reboot my heart

Perfect love casts out fear

 

Flashback nightmare.

Oh my socks my friend! Have you ever woke up and been giddy with relief that what you just dreamed was only a dream?

Whew.

Not gonna lie—At first I felt scared, vulnerable, overwhelmed and a bit nauseated.

person in yellow protective suit

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

But then I had a chance to remind myself of the things that are real and true and current and beautiful.

Thank you for this experience God.  I’m saying that by faith here.

You could stop me from having flashback dreams, that would be easy for you.

But then I would not have the joy of being rescued.

And I would not know how to fight off my bad thoughts

by choosing new ones.

received_713811646116719

I know that you have never left me and I trust you.

Thank you that I don’t have to sit in my fear: I can reboot; I can remind myself of how much you love me

Perfect love casts out fear.

  • You are strong
  • you are safe
  • You are kind and good
  • You are wise
  • You are loving

I will trust

I will trust

I will trust in You.

woman wearing grey long sleeved top photography

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

Getting the point across

mother teresa photos 2min long here

I recently read that Mother Teresa (who is one of my heroes) had a long period of time in which she wasn’t sure what was going on and she did not hear anything from God.

  • Doubts.
  • Uncertainty.
  • Abandonment.

A Dark Night of the Soul

Maybe I’m reading into it, but she sounded like she was depressed. I don’t know.

I’ve started to think, now that the ‘new’ of my Health stuff has worn off, that I don’t understand why God won’t get me out of this trial. It would be nothing for Him to do that.

Do you wonder stuff like that?

  • Why won’t my child or spouse come home?
  • Why won’t God fix my finances?
  • Why does my spouse look at porn or drink or take pills?
  • Why can’t I get pregnant?
  • Why doesn’t God make me a good friend or parent or child? He knows I want to be good; he’s got to want that for me.

He can do anything. I’ve seen him heal people lots of times.

I know he has spoken to me in the past–

twice audibly (why not?)

–and I STILL (after-how old is my oldest child?-after 24 years– feel the reverberation, like ripples in a pond, in my soul, in my life.

He’s very good at getting his point across.

I do not understand it. Why does God seem to sit on his hands at times when it seems that he should (or when he’s promised to) act?

  • He is the most remarkable
  • Kind
  • Wonderful
  • Shrewd and wise
  • Creative and capable
  • Beautiful

person that I’ve ever come in contact with and I can’t feel that it’s possible to do anything but love Him.

The jury’s still out on why. But I trust Him anyway. Don’t you agree?

Selah.