Battle tactics

My fast was a washout.

I have been reading a book about fasting. I want to supercharge my prayer time with fasting. (And ask for healing from autoimmune issues and GI stuff.)

I just said

My first try at fasting was a washout.


I have decided to reframe that thought and learn some things:

  1. I need to start slow. Not try to show off.
    6 hours…8 hours…12 hours…24 hours…not hearing anything about after that: I think the Holy Spirit is preparing for a big battle with a 21 day fast. #Goliath
  2. I need to avoid computer games and social media during my time of seeking God for stuff.
  3. Accountability. I won’t fast alone next time.
  4. Holy Spirit directed. I will make sure to check ✔️ with God about what I’m doing. (I did that last time, but not the other three things.)
  5. Agree upon and write down when my fast ends and what were praying for with my team #focused
Photo by Anna Tarazevich on Pexels.com

Living with regret

All I ever wanted in the natural was to be a good parent.
I’ve never loved 

or wanted to do good 

like 

when I held my babies for the first time.

and It’s what I have failed the worst at.

Jesus you be my reason.  Be all my reasons.

Let my blog help other parents who hurt and regret. #12thstepwisdom

I give YOU my crushing, heavy grief and shame.

Forgive me.
Cleanse me.

🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷


🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷

If You don’t help me, I’m toast.

Amen.

Unfairness


Lord God  our Father,
No one gets to live on this earth

without getting touched

by injustice or betrayal. 


No one.


You know about injustice and betrayal–for certain.



Two specific things come to mind that I am heartsore over: three betrayals within my own extended family system and/or neighborhood.

I’m sorry for hanging on to these bitter thoughts for so many years, God.  You have forgiven me of tons of yucky stuff–I release _____ now, with You helping me.

  Help me to go forward as a free woman, Jesus. 

It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand fast in it, and do not submit again to that yoke of bondage.

Don’t let me get distracted, Father.  I want to walk in freedom.

I want to take Your yoke and learn from You. 

I am exhausted and stressed out:

give me rest for my soul, God.
Amen.

Sleep on it 👀

​I am Sooo glad I decided to wait ✋on that Personal Message before sending it!

#learnedthatthehardway

The Holy Spirit was talking to me this morning,

about what was in that P.M.

I am going to take it apart and completely redo it.

Frankly horrified….

….by some of the language that has been knocking around in my head and my heart for years without me looking at it!

People really are a product of their childhood environments

Before Christ.  B.C.

I think that explains a lot of things I’ve seen in the world

and in myself.

Early modeling – powerful force of the universe.

A force to be reckoned with.

Look at what it cost Jesus to reckon with it.
Thank you Lord — You are my hero

You are the world’s Hero.

🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻

Blameless

Torturous gut-wrenching self-catered and perpetuating self-hatred.

Been thinking 🤔 about this with Jesus.

Working on it with my therapist.

You know what the rub is?

The thing

I have flashbacks about and

that keeps me up at night?

The Cure

How I must have hurt the innocents in my path

during the worst of

my addictions or
mental health issues or

_____ you fill it in.( ‘bet you can without even batting an eye.)


What is acceptable collateral damage?

Who has to accept it?

How do I accept it?

Jesus.

You were the ultimate collateral damage.

Father forgive them for they know not what they do right? (Luke23)

Give me Your wisdom on this.

Amends aren’t only for victims. They are for perpetrators too.

Speak gentle words of comfort into my tired, guilty heart.

You are my only hope.

Boot camp for my brain

I opened my Youversion app to read the Bible today.
So sad and beleaguered, you guys! Rough, loooong night with health stuff.

I tend to get suicidal when my MS is acting up, so I go to the Bible extra hardcore at those times. Even before I start to think in the morning. Knee jerk I’m training 💪 my brain to automatically do.

Armor up, right?

Oh my sparkly socks.

what I found, my peeps!

God’s been doing great things this year! I just read about some of the ways God’s been at work in the YouVersion Community, and I think you’ll love this. Let’s celebrate together! https://blog.youversion.com/?p

Youversion link this morning

Sooooo encouraging!


I hate fakey sacharin sweet Christian-ese.
It makes things feel worse.
So……. I almost didn’t click on it.

But I’m so glad I did after all!
I did not realize what The Holy Spirit was up to during this pandemic!

Things to love

YouVersion rocks it again
  • The sound of an air plane buzzing in the distance
  • Smell of baking bread
  • Homemade tacos, any kind
  • Fortune cookies after Chinese food
  • My husband’s bald head and friendly smile
  • Shakespeare and Hathaway, on BBC
  • Celery, english toffee, dry fall leaves, corn chips, dry snow…crunchy things
  • Cups of fragrant, steaming tea
  • The smell of new tires
  • Taking dinner to a sick friend
  • Giraffes…comical and gangly
  • Magic School Bus with Ms Frizzle
  • Red hair and green eyes
  • Toe socks

#truth

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.”

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


Overrated

WILLPOWER IS AN OVERRATED PILE OF TROLL WEAVELS.

And I’ll stand on that.

  1. My Higher Power
  2. 12 Step group.
  3. Celebrate recovery.
  4. Working my program.
  5. Accountability.
  6. I Peter 5:17.
  7. Forgiveness

That’s what has finally

worked

for me

after thirty years

of fighting

with this bad boy.

I was telling my best friend\hubby person–

I suddenly realized.the other day….

it’s been 10 years

of abstinence

from my addiction du jour.

  • There was a season
  • when I did the CR meeting
  • and 12 step group
  • and personal inventory

Hard struggle.
Then we built the house and learned about that. Then I got really sick and tried to die. Still doing that one.

    It sort of snuck up on me, you know?

    #too busy living.

    There was a time.

    I remember it vividly.

    When I told my counselor

    I cannot live without this thing.I cannot imagine going even one day without this thing! 🌻

    I have learned

    how to have

    a bad feeling

    in a healthy way.

    ( Oxymoron?)

    I am a free woman.