Door of hope

If, through the process of healing and growth, you have found yourself in that in-between place that feels like an abyss, understand that He is the pro at restoring the years you feel have been lost. Don’t try to construct a spaceship to get you back to earth as quickly as possible. Most of us are ill-equipped to man, much less assemble, that ship. He IS working all things together for good, even if you cannot see or fathom it. Leave space for the space. **Fellow wordpress blogger kerri on purpose

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Living with regret

All I ever wanted in the natural was to be a good parent.
I’ve never loved 

or wanted to do good 

like 

when I held my babies for the first time.

and It’s what I have failed the worst at.

Jesus you be my reason.  Be all my reasons.

Let my blog help other parents who hurt and regret. #12thstepwisdom

I give YOU my crushing, heavy grief and shame.

Forgive me.
Cleanse me.

🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷


🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷

If You don’t help me, I’m toast.

Amen.

Saying sorry 

It’s complicated.

Ammends.

Ugh.

I’m working my steps here.  But…

What Is Step 9?

Step 9 begins:

“Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”*

…my grown kids are a toughie.

They are ssssoooo tired of hearing me say “I’m sorry”.

Because I have often used that statement in the past to excuse and ask for absolution.

* I copied this from a very helpful article by buddy t  at verywellmind.com

So I’m trying to get a new way of saying Sorry.

By helping others

By helping and not hating myself

By praying for my kids and grands every day

By watching 👀 for opportunities to do good that do not take credit or manipulate.

By being the thing I wish I had

Innocent and cheerful

Relentless but not pushy, just infectious

quirky Optimism

Forgiveness …forgiven… forgiving

Let it go.

Make room for love

Put it in my pipe and 🚬 it

on living in harmony:
The rule of modesty or propriety

“When, as often happens, they break it [the rule of modesty] defiantly, in order to shock or embarrass others,

they are not necessarily being unchaste;

but they are being uncharitable:

“for It is uncharitable to take pleasure in making other people uncomfortable.

” And I therefore regard the great relaxation and simplifying of the rules of propriety which has taken place in my own life time,

as a good thing.

“At its present stage, however, it does lead to

“an inconvenience:

“that people of different ages and different types do not all acknowledge the same standard, and we hardly know where we are.


While this confusion lasts,

I think that old (my mom)

or old-fashioned (me) people

“Should be very careful not to assume that

young or emancipated people (my kids)

are corrupt whenever they are, by the old standards, improper;

” and, by the same token

young people ought not to call their elders prudes or Puritans whenever they do not easily adopt the new standard.I

“A real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can
…Will solve most of the problems.”
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity “Christian Behavior” chapter 1

Real love 💘

I don’t want you to feel false guilt and shame

because we didn’t finish that good thing we tried to do.

No pressure

#ratraces-stink

I accept you the way you are.

You are my man.

I chose YOU twenty-five years ago at a lighthouse in Newport, Oregon.

Hitched my wagon to your 🌟

🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻

*No fakes.

**Relaxed

***Safe.

People can’t be perfect, you know?

Well they shouldn’t have to try.

🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻

That’s why Jesus came, isn’t it?
To set 🌎 free from the rat race?

True love

*liberating

**inviting

***breathoffreshair

****LOVE

makes the 🌎 world go ’round.

#wannabethat

Not liable

Jesus thank You for

c-a-r-e- ing

about

my MS and

my heart problems and

my mental illness and

my parenting failures. 


I want You.
d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e-ly

It helps that my life is so difficult for me. 

I’m not tempted to be satisfied with it. 

Not EVEN a choice

If I was

Effortlessly beautiful and

Incredibly popular and

Eminently successful and

had a million dollars…

I would probably focus on that.
Thank You 💗.

As it is, I’m not liable to focus on how easy my life is. (How boring is easy, anyway? I need to be c-h-a-l-l-e-n-g-e-d.)

You’ve saved my life, God. And made it beautiful ❤️.

Thank You.

Put it in my pipe and 🚬 it

on living in harmony:
The rule of modesty or propriety

 “When, as often happens, they break it [the rule of modesty] defiantly, in order to shock or embarrass others, 

they are not necessarily being unchaste; 

but they are being uncharitable:


“for It is uncharitable to take pleasure in making other people uncomfortable. 

 ” And I therefore regard the great relaxation and simplifying of the rules of propriety which has taken place in my own life time, 

as a good thing.



“At its present stage,  however, it does lead to

 “an inconvenience:

“that people of different ages and different types do not all acknowledge the same standard, and we hardly know where we are.



While this confusion lasts, 

I think that old (my mom

or old-fashioned (me) people 

“Should be very careful not to assume that 

young or emancipated people (my kids

are corrupt whenever they are, by the old standards, improper;

” and, by the same token 

young people ought not to call their elders prudes or Puritans whenever they do not easily adopt the new standard.I

“A real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can
…Will solve most of the problems.”
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity “Christian Behavior” chapter 15

Play to your weaknesses

God never wastes a hurt, right?

I want to blog 

about putting my child

 in a mental hospital 

when she was nine.

Ummmm…

Big mistake

Not what I thought.  

Not What my counselor thought.

we thought it would be a safe place

 to get her started on meds and stabilized.

Safe, it was NOT.

Now there are hospitals and then there are hospitals.  You know?

But

 we are still getting over that experience seventeen years later.

😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓

Not what we needed 

Not the best place for her.

I wish we could have just canceled all our engagements and stayed home til the counselor was available, then had an intensive weekend therapy session or something and then two hour weekly sessions with in-house blood work while we got her meds started.

That’s not realistic, 

(I wish there was something like that!)

but

 as close as we could get to that

 would have been better 

than an inpatient lock down facility 

for a nine year old who was starting fires in her toy box!

  She didn’t need to be in with older kids and teens who had some scary issues going on.  All the screaming and mandatory blood tests that she heard EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK.  Missing her family.  Not being able to go home when we wanted to get her out.  Criminetly!

Help me Jesus.

I’m yours. 🌻

Use my voice.
I wanna rock the world for GOOD 

and 

for other hurting families.

I’ll Wait

 for YOUR Spirit to blow on my words.

I trust 

YOUR timing

This is Your show. 🌻

​I want to help people and play to my weaknesses.

Like Paul in the Bible. Yeah.

I need a hug.  Do you?