“NEEDTOBREATHE – “LET’S STAY HOME TONIGHT” [Live From Celebrating Out of Body]” on YouTube

I was just thinking about something with Jesus.

Hubby and I have friction over whether to go out or stay home quite a bit.

Bring it on!

We have regular dates

1. once a week for conflict resolution

2. and once a week for fun.

And he will often say he wants to stay home.

While I have been home all the time and want to get out of my sickbed and see something beside my walls.

Deflated

This song came to my mind as I was pondering……so I looked it up on YouTube and was listening to it again prayerfully with God.

I suddenly saw that this– our home– is my husband’s Oasis.

he’s safe here.

He can rest and relax and let his hair down in respite.

Of course he would not want to leave it!

It’s sweet that he wants me to be in it with him.

I think instead of being resentful at him and thinking he wants me to be constricted and limited,

I will reframe it reboot my heart

and find it endearing

that he wants to be safe at home with me.

We still need to compromise maybe every other time we can go out or something. I need that.

But

it helps me to understand where he’s coming from you know?

#resentfultograteful

#loveunderstandsme

#soulmates

Text fight

Feminine mystique.  It’s an important thing.

My hubby and I often go at it 🔨 and tongs

 by text.

I have found that the use of gifs and emojis is very helpful when I am 😡 at him.  I can say stuff with emojis that I CANNOT say with words very easily without him getting mad and hurt.

you see what I’m sayin?

Knight

Ok. Down to brass tacks here.

Doesn’t every girl want a knight in shining armor to come and sweep her away?

Brave.

Selfless.

Tender.

Protective.

Strong.

I mean, right?

One of the hardest things about growing up

is the crushing let down when you realize that your Dad\boyfriend\husband ISNT ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS. (as my sweet oldest girl would say)

Am I tellin’ the truth?

Let down from life

I was thinking with God

about this fact of life

as part of my devotions today.

I want to share something with you gals. I’m actually kind of busting to say this.

I canNOT hold it in

Something God showed me during my third trip through a twelve step small group during my forties.

Looking for some abstinence regarding my addiction du jour.

Doing my 5th step homework and listening to an old song. Remember Karate Kid from the 80’s?

I am the man

Who will fight

For your honor.

I am the hero you been dreamin’ of…”

I was like, Jesus, I want to look at hubby like that. I want to see all this strength and tenderness in his eyes as he gazes at me with love....

But

all I see looking back at me is an insecure lost boy with authority issues who plays video games incessantly and wants stuff from me.

If I can even get his attention for thirty seconds!

It was like Jesus totally GOT IT and said,

“That’s how I feel about you. I am the Man who will fight for your honor, girl. I’ll be the Hero you been dreaming of.

I know.

“Sometimes hubby will get it, but mostly he’s a bundle of needs and insecureness just like you.

“That’s his stuff. I know about it. You’ve got stuff too: but I am telling you now:

“Look right here, babe. I got whatcha need. I will live and die for you. You can trust me to be Your Man.”

Safe in Jesus’ arms

And I’ve never listened to a love song the same way again.

In sickness and health? Real talk.

Ok some of my brothers might want to sit this one out.

#TMI

I’m having to think some hard thoughts.

About potty accidents

My girlfriend, whose Mom died with MS, was talking to me about permanent catheterization. What ever that’s called.

I think I’m gonna have to go there sweet peeps. 🌻

when I have accident after accident.

I worry about falling when I’m trying to clean up the third potty accident that day.

If I try to get out of bed and do anything that’s what happens. ( Like if I’m having a good health day and I want to cook.)

I’m on a search for a good urologist. Transportation to that kind of doctor appointment becomes an issue.

Do I want ONE MORE THING?

Probably not, but yet I might have to. Hmmm.

This is what we signed on for, right?.

” In sickness and health for richer for poorer”, right?

That’s what I’m thinking. 🌻

Too bad euthanasia is immoral. Grin.🌻

I gotta trust God:
He knows about all this stuff.

He’s the one who made potty and sex and and cooking and childbirth so MESSY .
I don’t understand You God. But I do choose to trust in You.

Part of the plan

Ummmm.

Make your light shine  through me ❤️ that was in my devo this morning.

I’m so tired because of ~~fill in the blank~~

God, You’ve got to do this helpingthedisenfranchisedoftheworld business for me. I feel so distracted and beleaguered by my STUFF!!!

Jesus.  PapaGod. Holy Spirit.

Help me. Help us.
Give us power from on high. Like Jesus said.


Don’t let me fail You.
(Sorry God. That was kind of Fruedian.  See what I mean?)

What is going ON here, God? I feel like I’m in prison! The prison of consequences. The prison of my wacked feelings. Depression. Anxiety. Freakedoutness.

deep shaky breath.

I trust You.

Oh Right.

You ARE doing the thing already.
You know perfectly well that I am a shut in. Or a divorcee. It disabled. Or addicted. Or in therapy. Or mentally ill. Or a disabled vet.
You are the One Who gave the devil permission to mess with me and my family, after all. Like in Job.

Image from Youversion

It’s all part of the plan.

 Even my screwups.

It’ll work out.

Anxiety Management 101

I was thinkin’ about this verse in I Peter.
Peter was a fisherman right? So he was probably thinking of casting— as in fishing. Don’t you think? With this in mind, I looked up a video of net fishing. I wanted to get the image of casting the nets in my mind. This is how I want to live my life. I want to cast with same energy as a fisherman does who wants to get those mullets. “How To Throw A Cast Net Step by Step – Captain Mike Then I was thinking further about loading my net. According to Captain Mike in the video, that is all absolutely pivotal in net fishing. Nothing successful can happen without it. If I don’t load my net properly: when I cast it, it’s gonna get all tangled up or even injure me!
Life is hard and we need each other
As I was praying\pondering further, I thought of the context of this passage. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God That in due course He may lift you up.
Humble and confident
My attitude of habit. What is it? That’s how I position my heart to make that cast. I am intentional about loading my net. I submit to my suffering and don’t fight it. I don’t talk smack about my future. I don’t be nosey and snarky and judge-y, God helping me. I remind myself that I cannot make everything work with my formidable feminine competence.

Then I make my cast,

Hurling my net of fussing and worry

out

upon the waters of my life and my day.

Trusting that God will be there with all his beneficent bounty Trusting that He knows I am dust and I need my light bill paid and my lunches packed. Trusting that He knows about my mental illness, my insecure boss or hubby, my cranky teen, and my fight with my best friend. Trusting that He’s the Lord of the sea 🙏 and He knows I’ve been fishing all night and I’m tired.