Prodigal

My husband prays for our lost son every morning. It’s like his thing.

🌻

You might know this: we have prodigal son.

I think about him every day.

Wake up hurting over his rejection every morning.

I grew up knowing this story from the Bible.

But

I never thought about what the prodigal mom must have been feeling.

I don’t want to get all mushy here. Life goes on.

As my hubby reminds me often: we have four other kids who are still here. True. And this grief has been life shaping for all of us.
His siblings miss him too.

I also never thought of that (prodigal’s siblings), growing up with this story told in Sunday school.
It’s like he died, you guys.
Whew that hurts! Reboot my heart.

I still have

summer rain. Jesus send us some for the fires. Send us some for our broken hearts.

Pie crust

Play dough. Esp red play dough. The salty smell. Nothing like it. Opening a new perfect can. Remember?

Bread dough, which is play dough for grown ups.

Trying a new recipe. Yesterday I made lemon bars.

“Love Punch” with Emma Thompson and Pierce Brosnan. Love that movie. Seen it four times. Highly recommended.

Help us Jesus. It’s hard down here sometimes. 🌻

Part of the plan

Ummmm.

Make your light shine  through me ❤️ that was in my devo this morning.

I’m so tired because of ~~fill in the blank~~

God, You’ve got to do this helpingthedisenfranchisedoftheworld business for me. I feel so distracted and beleaguered by my STUFF!!!

Jesus.  PapaGod. Holy Spirit.

Help me. Help us.
Give us power from on high. Like Jesus said.


Don’t let me fail You.
(Sorry God. That was kind of Fruedian.  See what I mean?)

What is going ON here, God? I feel like I’m in prison! The prison of consequences. The prison of my wacked feelings. Depression. Anxiety. Freakedoutness.

deep shaky breath.

I trust You.

Oh Right.

You ARE doing the thing already.
You know perfectly well that I am a shut in. Or a divorcee. It disabled. Or addicted. Or in therapy. Or mentally ill. Or a disabled vet.
You are the One Who gave the devil permission to mess with me and my family, after all. Like in Job.

Image from Youversion

It’s all part of the plan.

 Even my screwups.

It’ll work out.

Safe place

Early morning waking.

It’s part of grief.

I used to dread it. But this time around I’m older and wiser. Pain is my friend.

Jesus will teach me wisdom and humility through this loss of a health, a child, a grandchild…..maybe a marriage, a future, a dream that can never be now….

If I will ask Him. And keep asking Him.

by Frank Morrison.