Unfairness


Lord God  our Father,
No one gets to live on this earth

without getting touched

by injustice or betrayal. 


No one.


You know about injustice and betrayal–for certain.



Two specific things come to mind that I am heartsore over: three betrayals within my own extended family system and/or neighborhood.

I’m sorry for hanging on to these bitter thoughts for so many years, God.  You have forgiven me of tons of yucky stuff–I release _____ now, with You helping me.

  Help me to go forward as a free woman, Jesus. 

It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand fast in it, and do not submit again to that yoke of bondage.

Don’t let me get distracted, Father.  I want to walk in freedom.

I want to take Your yoke and learn from You. 

I am exhausted and stressed out:

give me rest for my soul, God.
Amen.

put it in your pipe and smoke it

“Some people say it is morbid to be always thinking of one’s faults

“That would be all very well if most of us could stop thinking of them

“without soon beginning to think about those of other people.

“For, unfortunately, we enjoy thinking about other people’s faults.

“And in the proper sense of the word morbid,

“That is the most morbid pleasure in the world.

“We don’t like rationing which imposed upon us;

“But I suggest one form of rationing which we ought to impose on ourselves:

Abstain from all thinking about other people’s faults, unless your duties as a teacher or a parent make it necessary to think about them

“Whenever the thoughts come unnecessarily into one’s mind, why not simply shove them away and think of one’s own faults instead?”

CS Lewis, The Search for God

Salty and lit

(from a blog I follow.   #encouraged.    #wannabethat.   #BEthething.)

“Salt.

“It not only enhances the flavor of our food, but in addition, it serves as a preservative. To be the “salt” in this dying world, we are to flavor the world with God’s love and His Word but even more-so, we press on firmly to preserve our faith. With everything in us, we need to guard and preserve our hearts, … ”

“Light.

“Think about the darkest of rooms. It’s bleak, hard to see or make out any shadows and can be very disconcerting. There is uncertainty. But one little flicker of light produces clarity.


“The chair that you tripped over in the dark is now revealed by that one little spark. Think of that for a moment. In a world full of darkness, just one Christ follower can light up a whole room and strike out the darkness…..by our faith, by our witness, and by our love….

“God Bless your ‘bright’ and ‘salty’ souls,

Tanya”

Put it in my pipe and 🚬 it

on living in harmony:
The rule of modesty or propriety

 “When, as often happens, they break it [the rule of modesty] defiantly, in order to shock or embarrass others, 

they are not necessarily being unchaste; 

but they are being uncharitable:


“for It is uncharitable to take pleasure in making other people uncomfortable. 

 ” And I therefore regard the great relaxation and simplifying of the rules of propriety which has taken place in my own life time, 

as a good thing.



“At its present stage,  however, it does lead to

 “an inconvenience:

“that people of different ages and different types do not all acknowledge the same standard, and we hardly know where we are.



While this confusion lasts, 

I think that old (my mom

or old-fashioned (me) people 

“Should be very careful not to assume that 

young or emancipated people (my kids

are corrupt whenever they are, by the old standards, improper;

” and, by the same token 

young people ought not to call their elders prudes or Puritans whenever they do not easily adopt the new standard.I

“A real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can
…Will solve most of the problems.”
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity “Christian Behavior” chapter 15

Choose

Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. II Corinthians 7:9‭-‬10 NKJV https://bible.com/bible/114/2co.7.9-10.NKJV

I was reading a daily devotional at my Youversion.

Joyce was sharing about her negative experience with Christian counseling.

I have heard similar stories from Beth Moore, and my almost mominlaw lady.

I am thinking about this with Jesus. Asking Him for wisdom. It says ask freely for wisdom and He gives it without favoritism or stinginess in the book of James, right?

You know what I think?

I think that my own scary-hurtful experiences with counseling or Bible School or churches were the leading of God 🙏 too. (Not just the wonderfulwarmfuzzylifechanging experiences with those things.)

Turn my face to the 🌞

So instead of vowing never to trust a Bible school\counselor\church\friend again… I’m gonna turn it around. Reframe it. Reboot my ❤️.

Thank you God. You know about religious abuse and meeting the enemy where you expected to meet a safe friend. People are often messed up. Including me. No one gets to be immune to that. No one.

Except You. I Love You. I trust YOU to be the one thing that is right in my crazy, upside-down world.

6th step for parents who have abused

Need a little help?

I’ve been thinking. About the sixth step. This is hard for parents who’ve abused or neglected their children.

There’s stuff back there that I do not want to own. You know? (It’s probably hard for everyone, but I don’t have to repent for everyone–just me.)

Step Six
“Were entirely ready to have God remove all
these defects of character.”


“THIS is the Step that separates the men from the boys.”

So declares a well-loved clergyman who happens to be one
of A.A.’s greatest friends.

He goes on to explain that any
person capable of enough willingness and honesty to try re-
peatedly Step Six on all his faults—without any reservations
whatever—has indeed come a long way spiritually, and is
therefore entitled to be called a man who is sincerely trying
to grow in the image and likeness of his own Creator.

–BIG BOOK OF AA author anonymous

Just sayin’.

Part of the plan

Ummmm.

Make your light shine  through me ❤️ that was in my devo this morning.

I’m so tired because of ~~fill in the blank~~

God, You’ve got to do this helpingthedisenfranchisedoftheworld business for me. I feel so distracted and beleaguered by my STUFF!!!

Jesus.  PapaGod. Holy Spirit.

Help me. Help us.
Give us power from on high. Like Jesus said.


Don’t let me fail You.
(Sorry God. That was kind of Fruedian.  See what I mean?)

What is going ON here, God? I feel like I’m in prison! The prison of consequences. The prison of my wacked feelings. Depression. Anxiety. Freakedoutness.

deep shaky breath.

I trust You.

Oh Right.

You ARE doing the thing already.
You know perfectly well that I am a shut in. Or a divorcee. It disabled. Or addicted. Or in therapy. Or mentally ill. Or a disabled vet.
You are the One Who gave the devil permission to mess with me and my family, after all. Like in Job.

Image from Youversion

It’s all part of the plan.

 Even my screwups.

It’ll work out.

Suicidal

One of the parts of my illnesses–that I am getting better and better at fighting— is wanting to take my own life—
*Wanting the pain to stop. *Wanting to quit this long distance life-race. *Wanting to decide__God-like__that I have suffered “enough” and I am going to kill myself. *Wanting to take my life into my own hands
Social taboo
People don’t talk about this enough__and that’s flat. Part of the healing in group therapy is talking and listening, right? Finding out that your feelings are normal. I mean, right? next time someone tells me “I just want to kill myself”… I’m going to say, without batting an eyelid, I’m sorry. I hate it when I feel like that. Then just sit there and be at peace with them. And maybe go for an 🍨. Just sayin’