Looking through old blog entries, and I found this rough draft from right before I started fasting about my family. So I finished it and published it. You ever pray something and then get involved with other stuff and forget you prayed for that?
I didn’t even know fasting was for normal-average-people-21st-century folks! I never would have seriously considered this.
But I found a book somewhere: Fasting to Freedom – the gift of Fasting by Chantel Ray.
I want to post this today because I’m actually doing it! “to break the yoke of oppression” (Isaiah) off of my family.
I expect to be posting about some wonderful things in answer to my desperation. (God YOU are on the hook. Not to be bossy. Just desperate.)
I could not have accomplished this
without that book
and without Jesus.
Rough draft I found today:
I am deeply troubled about my family, God.
We have some gnar-gnar issues.
OR I AM toast.
I need Your mercy and power and grace. What do I do Father?
I need wisdom.
I am searching.
Thank You JESUS for my sick bed : it forces me to slow down; it lets me focus. 🙏🌷🙏
Thank YOU for that book I found. 🙏🌷🙏
Thank YOU for the Holy Spirit: my personal Counselor: I cannot live without You. 🙏🌷🙏
God ,You know Everything: You know I’m just a regular lady
Now there are hospitals and then there are hospitals. You know?
we are still getting over that experience seventeen years later.
Not what we needed
Not the best place for her.
I wish we could have just canceled all our engagements and stayed home til the counselor was available, then had an intensive weekend therapy session or something and then two hour weekly sessions with in-house blood work while we got her meds started.
That’s not realistic,
(I wish there was something like that!)
as close as we could get to that
would have been better
than an inpatient lock down facility
for a nine year old who was starting fires in her toy box!
She didn’t need to be in with older kids and teens who had some scary issues going on. All the screaming and mandatory blood tests that she heard EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK. Missing her family. Not being able to go home when we wanted to get her out. Criminetly!
Make your light shine through me ❤️ that was in my devo this morning.
I’m so tired because of ~~fill in the blank~~ !
God, You’ve got to do this helpingthedisenfranchisedoftheworld business for me. I feel so distracted and beleaguered by my STUFF!!!
Jesus. PapaGod. Holy Spirit.
Help me. Help us. Give us power from on high. Like Jesus said.
Don’t let me fail You. (Sorry God. That was kind of Fruedian. See what I mean?)
What is going ON here, God? I feel like I’m in prison! The prison of consequences. The prison of my wacked feelings. Depression. Anxiety. Freakedoutness.
deep shaky breath.
I trust You.
You ARE doing the thing already. You know perfectly well that I am a shut in. Or a divorcee. It disabled. Or addicted. Or in therapy. Or mentally ill. Or a disabled vet. You are the One Who gave the devil permission to mess with me and my family, after all. Like in Job.
I was thinkin’ about this verse in I Peter.
Peter was a fisherman right?
So he was probably thinking of casting— as in fishing.
Don’t you think?
With this in mind, I looked up a video of net fishing. I wanted to get the image of casting the nets in my mind. This is how I want to live my life. I want to cast with same energy as a fisherman does who wants to get those mullets.
“How To Throw A Cast Net Step by Step – Captain Mike
Then I was thinking further
about loading my net.
According to Captain Mike in the video, that is all absolutely pivotal in net fishing. Nothing successful can happen without it. If I don’t load my net properly: when I cast it, it’s gonna get all tangled up or even injure me!
As I was praying\pondering further, I thought of the context of this passage.
Humble yourself under the mighty hand of GodThat in due course He may lift you up.
My attitude of habit. What is it?
That’s how I position my heart to make that cast.
I am intentional about loading my net. I submit to my suffering and don’t fight it. I don’t talk smack about my future. I don’t be nosey and snarky and judge-y, God helping me. I remind myself that I cannot make everything work with my formidable feminine competence.
Then I make my cast,
Hurling my net of fussing and worry
upon the waters of my life and my day.
Trusting that God will be there with all his beneficent bounty
Trusting that He knows I am dust and I need my light bill paid and my lunches packed.
Trusting that He knows about my mental illness, my insecure boss or hubby, my cranky teen, and my fight with my best friend.
Trusting that He’s the Lord of the sea 🙏 and He knows I’ve been fishing all night and I’m tired.