Flood

​ I can’t get everything down fast enough!

 God is flooding my brain

 with words about all of these things I’ve been praying for

 –Day three of fasting and prayer for answers.–

truth

 

I’m so afraid of forgetting something !

—✋—

Who made man’s mouth?

Did not I?

Stop worrying.

———-


A test 🌷

​Richard Rohr is a Augustinian monk who works with men using a spin-off of the 12 steps of AA, in New Mexico.  He’s one of my favorite authors.  Kinda deep and I don’t get it all, but yeah.  One of my favorites.

You see, the false self is always easily offended.

In fact, I’m gonna give you that as a litmus test 

As to whether you are living exclusively…. in the false self.

The false self takes offence every ten minutes…

*The Art of Letting Go: Living the Wisdom of St. Francis by Richard Rohr

Internal boundary 🌷

Giving myself eight more minutes to work on this problem. 

Then it’s going to go in my

  •  someoneelsesproblem box
  •  or my God box
  •  or my later box
  •  or all three. 


🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷

    I am not freaked out 

     I am adequately stable at the moment ,

    not in imminent danger of being suicidal ,

    not inordinately vulnerable to outside stressors. 

    Come to think of it those are all good things 
    that 

    being sick

     for eight years have given me. 

    🎁 🌈 🎁 🌈 🎁 🌈 🎁 🌈 🎁

    Snap shots

    🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷

    ​C and I just had such a lovely day you guys!

    Instead of drama and mother – daughter power struggle…

    We hung out and watched an Emma Thompson movie and ate gummy bears and talked.
    Well …she ate gummy bears 😉

    🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷

    My man and Boys and their friend. 

    Went to throw a frisbee around at the park 

    instead of Playing video games

    🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷

    I’m telling you 

    God is changing things for the better in our family 

    Since I discovered that 

    Fasting is not completely weird

     for 21st century folks.

    🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷
    hubby and the kids are laughing and cooking dinner in the kitchen right now,

    instead of fighting about chores or zoning out on their phones

    🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷

    my man is a believer now that he has seen the stuff God is doing
    🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷


    The dinner smells incredible
    Ok

    I want Jesus more than I want food.I want Jesus more than I want food.I want Jesus more than I want food….#justkeepinitreal

    Day four of my 2nd 21 day fast

    Bring it on Jesus!

    Eureka!🌷

    The reason I ask people for stuff (hot drink, blanket, socks, etc.)

    (To the point of becoming needy, exhausting myself. driving them away, and becoming completely ridiculous)

    Is because

    (Drum roll, please)

    I did not——

     learn to give 
    and to receive 

    love and significance and joy

    I was too busy surviving my childhood.

    Q said, ” Have you ever thought of just saying hi? “

    Oh.

    My. 

    Socks.

    (The sound you are hearing is of a lightening bolt striking my brain.)

    Hope breath 

    “…Here’s the best part.

    “If you’re feeling particularly burdened by the destruction you’ve brought into your child’s world

    “and believe the situation to be hopeless,

    “you need to know a powerful truth:

    “Your child’s life and outcomes at this point are not dependent on you. What happens from here on out is up to him(her).

    “(S)He can actually go on to have a wonderful, adequate, even beautiful life, even if it is in spite of you. “

    ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

    Is it weird that I feel so encouraged by this?

    Probably. But there you are.

    ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

    Parental guilt.

    Hard part of my journey.

    There’s stuff back there when I was in the worst of my addiction and undiagnosed mentally ill life….

    That I would give anything

    to make go away.

    Deep breath.

    I release myself. 🙏

    Gotta learn to love my enemy—even when it’s me.

    Peace.