In sickness and health? Real talk.

Ok some of my brothers might want to sit this one out.

#TMI

I’m having to think some hard thoughts.

About potty accidents

My girlfriend, whose Mom died with MS, was talking to me about permanent catheterization. What ever that’s called.

I think I’m gonna have to go there sweet peeps. 🌻

when I have accident after accident.

I worry about falling when I’m trying to clean up the third potty accident that day.

If I try to get out of bed and do anything that’s what happens. ( Like if I’m having a good health day and I want to cook.)

I’m on a search for a good urologist. Transportation to that kind of doctor appointment becomes an issue.

Do I want ONE MORE THING?

Probably not, but yet I might have to. Hmmm.

This is what we signed on for, right?.

” In sickness and health for richer for poorer”, right?

That’s what I’m thinking. 🌻

Too bad euthanasia is immoral. Grin.🌻

I gotta trust God:
He knows about all this stuff.

He’s the one who made potty and sex and and cooking and childbirth so MESSY .
I don’t understand You God. But I do choose to trust in You.

Part of the plan

Ummmm.

Make your light shine  through me ❤️ that was in my devo this morning.

I’m so tired because of ~~fill in the blank~~

God, You’ve got to do this helpingthedisenfranchisedoftheworld business for me. I feel so distracted and beleaguered by my STUFF!!!

Jesus.  PapaGod. Holy Spirit.

Help me. Help us.
Give us power from on high. Like Jesus said.


Don’t let me fail You.
(Sorry God. That was kind of Fruedian.  See what I mean?)

What is going ON here, God? I feel like I’m in prison! The prison of consequences. The prison of my wacked feelings. Depression. Anxiety. Freakedoutness.

deep shaky breath.

I trust You.

Oh Right.

You ARE doing the thing already.
You know perfectly well that I am a shut in. Or a divorcee. It disabled. Or addicted. Or in therapy. Or mentally ill. Or a disabled vet.
You are the One Who gave the devil permission to mess with me and my family, after all. Like in Job.

Image from Youversion

It’s all part of the plan.

 Even my screwups.

It’ll work out.

Suicidal

One of the parts of my illnesses–that I am getting better and better at fighting— is wanting to take my own life—
*Wanting the pain to stop. *Wanting to quit this long distance life-race. *Wanting to decide__God-like__that I have suffered “enough” and I am going to kill myself. *Wanting to take my life into my own hands
Social taboo
People don’t talk about this enough__and that’s flat. Part of the healing in group therapy is talking and listening, right? Finding out that your feelings are normal. I mean, right? next time someone tells me “I just want to kill myself”… I’m going to say, without batting an eyelid, I’m sorry. I hate it when I feel like that. Then just sit there and be at peace with them. And maybe go for an 🍨. Just sayin’

Shirtless back🌻

  • Forever Grateful

That guy would give you the shirt off his back

 and the back to go with it,

Have you ever used that expression?

I’ve been thinking …

what would I  give to fix my prodigals?  To Have relationship again?

Anything.  That’s what.

I wonder if that’s how God felt about the 🌎

About me.
I love You back Father.

You’ve taken my heart of stone

 and instead given me a heart of flesh. 🌻

It’s Both 

Hope

A living hope enables us to have both sorrow and joy. Our living hope is an inheritance achieved for us by Christ. 

—Tim Keller 

The book of Habakkuk concludes with his prayer, “The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights” (Habakkuk 3:19 NIV). 

When you consider what this prophet knew he was already facing, his sheer hope is stunning. “Even though the fig tree doesn’t bud and there are no animals in the barn, yet the Lord is in his holy temple.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

Even though it’s going to get worse before it gets better, 

(autoimmune economy pandemic, divorce, whatever)

be still all the earth before him. 

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

The righteous will live by faith. God’s word will be true. I will find my strength and my hope in the Lord my God, and he will take me to new heights.” 

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻



Habakkuk wrestled with questions, embraced reality, trusted anyways, and found his hope in God. If you take nothing else away from this Bible Plan, I hope you’ll remember what Habakkuk’s name means: To wrestle. And to embrace. —Craig Groeschel you version devo today

Both.

Best thing\Worst thing 🌻


Getting sick has been both in my life.

I was thinking.

You know that place between sleep and awake?

That’s where the Holy Spirit often speaks to me.

Probably because I’m

  •  still 
  • hushed 
  • focused.  

Too sleepy to engage in all the noise of my day yet.

Don’t you think?