Guilt: parenting prodigals

Hezekiah (good king)

vs Manassah (creep)

My closely related offender (raging addicted pedophile)  vs me (following Jesus, healed, becoming healthy)

My children (some are here, some are gone 💔)

People have choices

No matter where they are

Kicking b***, taking names

(from Day 15 of 21 of my first fast, re: unexplained depression)

Derek Prince on YouTube. ** Old, wise, dead guy from WW II.

Mr  Prince said that a feeling of darkness or depression can be part of the spiritual warfare of a fast. See it as a good sign. It means that you are becoming a concern to the devil and he is calling in extra forces to mess with you.


This teaching encouraged me to a surprising degree.

I guess I feel normal and explained now, ya know?

I am trusting

God the Father and

Jesus my Warriorprince and

the Holy Spirit who I don’t understand but I really appreciate and who is mysterious as heck..

that this fast can break the yoke of oppression over the McCoy line, like in Isaiah 58:6.
I need God’s help to keep my will sharp and focused and headed towards my goal of finishing my appointed fast

and then trust God that He’s gonna do all the other stuff with the thousandyearold demons and junk.


I try to speak out any scriptures or prayers that come to mind. I don’t know what else to do.

I feel kind of green.

It’s still just as hard to not eat, (I guess thats the point)

but I’m not worried about myself now

that I know now that it’s common to feel darkness during a big fast.

Household work

I don’t have to or get to do those Homely tasks anymore.

Which I Found So inescapable. 

Which I often dreaded.

Which I now miss



 heartbreakingly. 💔

 which I took for granted

 which made up So much of my self Concept 

from which I found joy and utility and self worth.

I tell you sincerely:

Being sick for 10 years and

being confined to my bed for the most part

 is very much like being in prison.

I gain much encouragement from Paul’s prison epistles.  

I don’t get to

cook food for my family

Plan menus

Grocery shop

make cookies

Bake bread

Home school children. 

Buy our clothes

Stock our pantry

Stock our medicine cabinet

do laundry. 

Clean toilets and tubs and sinks and floors

 yard work

canning and freezing


Yard work

Wash dishes and wipe counters and stoves 

Spring clean cupboards

Clean the fridge

Scrub the floor

Vacuum the carpets

Wash the car

Dust the shelves

Run family meetings

Make chore charts

I now get to 


Go potty

Bathe myself

Talk when I can

Sleep as much as my dogs

maintain a marriage

and Pray some more


There is only one antidote to materialism: generosity. Every time you’re generous, you have a spiritual victory in your heart. Every time you’re generous, your heart grows. Every time you’re generous, you break the grip of materialism in your life. Why? Because materialism is all about getting — get, get, get, get! It is your nature to get and to hold on. God says every time you’re generous, you are breaking that grip and defeating materialism in your life.

–Rick Warren

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Living with mental health stuff

I was looking back through my notes about Q, wanting to give the people that i care about an update. 

DEFinitely a clear change of family direction.  
But not what I thought I was praying for.

A huge difference. 

God has brought my man on board.  He has spoken to him about Q and his mental issues and how he can help. It’s making a huge difference.

Q getting a diagnosis has seemed to really help unlock some help for him too.

Ummm…God had a talk with me about prayer and fasting. Out at the wood shed.

His remarks were extremely pointed. Heh heh heh.

I am not going to just pray this issue away.

My bulldozer tendencies, that have served me so well in the past, will not be needed.

More teamwork and trust; less bossing.


Jesus wants us to go through this experience not blow it to smithereens.

I had to do some backtracking with J and my man, telling what He (the Lord) had said at the woodshed.  (It was very humbling. Gulp.)

It seems that (in direct answer to our prayers) God has been doing all sorts of things between those two, father and son. And between Qs twin and himself, and in his relationship with his next sister.

Im glad i didnt know about it and it snuck up on me,  because I definitely would have messed it up.

God and I like my courage and audacity….But I can be a bit bossy and interfering at times. And my hubby already finds my formidable feminine  competence and verbal skills a bit intimidating in his flesh~you know what I mean?

Ummm…’Scuse me?

So yeah. God is doing stuff, but mostly not the way I expected..